This morning I have one.
What pray tell is that you might ask?!
Well an example is when you open yourself up emotionally with someone sharing a part of you or your story that you don’t share…ever…with anyone….and while all good in the moment…when you wake up the next morning, you feel pangs of anxiety and regret…did I say too much, do they still respect me, or simply OMG why in the world did I tell them all of that???!!!!?!?!
Most times you sense the hangover coming on as you lay down to sleep the night before (hello self-awareness my old friend).
I have engaged a “wellness coach” and it has been an amazing three weeks. She has guided me from exercise to eating to teaching me about Kroger ClickList (changing my LIFE)…but last night we did a mini-assessment, and talked about that three part questionnaire with the hundreds of questions (I posted about earlier this week under “how I spent my snow day.” See my writing page on Facebook for more about that fun). She had questions. So did I …there were a couple of questions in it that spun my head a bit. To the point that I discussed them in counseling this week…so of course we needed to discuss it last night.
We all have moments in our lives that define us. I guess I never thought about a moment defining how I view my own personal health OR the value (or lack of value in my case) that I put on it. That said, sharing that story of that season in my life felt as I know of less than 10 people in my life that are aware of it and two of those are dead now.
The little girl in me is growing up, but she is smarting a little this morning. She feels vulnerable. The difference today is that there is this older, wiser woman sitting with her assuring her that all is well. She is safe and strong…and those that hurt her do not define her. As if to say, look at us. Look how strong we are. We bared our soul and we are still standing. Still breathing. Our heart still beating.
Our stories made us but they don’t define us. It has taken a lot of God and counseling to help me understand that…and I am still learning….
In the past an emotional hangover would have taken me out…for a day, a week, a season. Look at me…G R O W T H  I am headed to make my healthy breakfast and then to the gym. After that I will be going through a box of items that I have avoided stealthily since the #threeyearpurgefest ended 12/31/2015. Let me repeat clearly and loudly at the top of my clear lungs….
Our stories made us but they don’t define us.
Hunting season on my heart, mind, soul, and yes even my body….is over.
God tells me who I am. No one else. No horrible memory. No wound from a childhood disrupted. No imperfect human being who abandoned me. Not even those who love me well. Only God.
If I believe that God spoke the universe into existence, then I must be able to believe he can speak me back to wholeness. It simply must be so.
I believe.
{Music speaks to my heart. It is absolutely one of my love languages. If it speaks to you too…and/or this post speaks to something in your own life and/or heart….I encourage you go to HERE and listen to Hillsong United’s “So Will I (100 Billion X)”…if you believe in the God of creation, then by default you must believe that he can change everything in your life….every broken, wounded, dented place or memory or circumstance….everything. Jesus changes EVERYTHING. // I have been in the church since I was in the womb, but church (and I love the church - big and little “c”) is not the single answer, Jesus is. It took me the mother of all #facedown moments and a whispering Jesus in my ear for me to begin to understand the difference. Jesus then proceeded to start me on a journey that has changed everything….EVERYTHING in my life. He is leaving not one single stone or stronghold untouched. I have watched my life since January 2012 be turned upside down, sideways, and shook to the core of every molecule and fiber of my being. Because he came. Because he lived. Because he died. Because he loves me. Because of all of that and more…I have the opportunity for LIFE. It begins and ends with him though. You MUST get that part right. The relationship we have with him influences everything else….from obedience to our reading and interpretation of the Bible to how we love to how we live to how we heal. “No one gets to the Father, but through me.” - Jesus // So as you wrestle with the demons in your own life know that there is freedom available to you in the form of a Savior. The enemy says it is all on us. That is a lie. It never was, and it never will be. / For your reading pleasure, I would also recommend “Beautiful Outlaw” by John Eldredge which I continue to read again and again. The month before my #facedown moment, I read it the first time (over two days) and it re-introduced me to a Jesus I knew but had gotten lost to my heart. That book pricked through the walls, and I credit it and that “prick” for being the catalyst so that when I did fall….the door was cracked for Jesus to whisper to my heart in a new way. I can’t recommend that book more.}